A Mote of a Life

Disappointment is the Hardest Emotion to Handle

I think—I mean, for me—disappointment is the hardest emotion to handle. When someone doesn't live up to their potential, or when someone ends up not being who you thought they were, dealing with that disappointment is a huge loss that... Continue Reading →

Love of My Life, Pt. 9

A Parasol, A Roadtrip   Kelsey and I were born six months apart, and were often treated by our families as a pair. Growing up as one of only two granddaughters in the family meant that—for nearly all intents and... Continue Reading →

Love of My Life, Pt. 8

The Coast   Although my friendship with Anthony had existed for years before my marriage, Adam had decided that he had the final say on whether or not Anthony and I were allowed to continue our friendship. Every few weeks... Continue Reading →

Love of My Life, Pt. 7

Deployment Struggles Continued... It's fucking hard to be a good wife when you dread talking to your husband. Adam's jealousy and possessiveness became amplified by increasing paranoia and the stress of war, and more and more often, our conversations covered... Continue Reading →

Love of My Life, Pt. 6

Deployment Struggles People are fond of saying absence makes the heart grow fonder, but during Adam’s deployment, I felt more suffocated by our relationship than ever. As his deployment wore on, Adam became increasingly possessive. Most civilians picture this time... Continue Reading →

Eating My Way to Tolerance

Preface: This was my winning entry in the 2018 Kelly Jo Feinberg Memorial Essay Contest. It was chosen for its honesty, depth, and voice. I was so happy when one of my favorite teachers, Dr. Beth Connors-Manke, was the one... Continue Reading →

Love of My Life, Pt 5

Married Life Although Adam and I were married in late December, we couldn’t get a place until mid-February, as we had to wait for the Basic Allowance for Housing to kick in. Once it did, we chose a nice, overly-priced... Continue Reading →

Love of My Life, Pt. 4

Wedding Day I signed my life away on a cold, drizzly December morning, standing over an oak desk inside an oatmeal-colored, mid-70’s, government building. The walls were beige, the low ceiling covered in large white acoustic tiles stained with mysterious... Continue Reading →

A Real Illness

There aren’t a whole lot of ways I know how to handle my depression, other than how I already am. Medication, therapy, diet and exercise—and about one day a month where I just get overwhelmed with the thought of even thinking about life and hide in my room for 36 hours, emerging only to pee, or feed the pets.

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