I love having art in my house. I collect it from Saturday markets, friends, calendars, tattoo shops…

My favorite painting is most likely a large canvas piece I got at Ross for $30. Most likely mass-produced, it was stacked behind several black and white prints of Marilyn  Monroe and mirrors stamped with abstract, meaningless sayings like “Live Love Laugh” and “Coffee is My Spirit Animal.”

It’s about 2′ x 5′, and can best be described as “Picasso meets Dali.” Reds, yellows, and blue-greens bleed into phantasmagorical swirls and melt across heavy black lines to form Golden Ratios. It is an acid trip glued into permanence by oil and frame.

There’s only one problem with this wonderful picture of mine…

There’s this part of it…

It looks like a dick.

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