Craigslist really has become my guilty pleasure. I love to browse it while avoiding the work I really get paid to do, because, let’s face it: the shit show that is other people trying to sell/have sex with their random useless junk/selves is WAY more fun than my real job. Comme ça…

Soda Can Tabs

keys     keys-2







“Soda Can tabs. Almost a 5 gallon bucket full. Asking $15. Call or text xxxxxxx. Located in Richmond KY.”


Some fat tweaker is trying to sell a nasty 5-gallon bucket full of soda can keys. And he thinks he can get $15 for them. This isn’t even the kind of thing that would attract you Pinterest freaks who notoriously horde otherwise useless trash that you could “turn into a frosted lamp” but really just sits on top of the fridge for months and remains useless trash. No, if anyone were to buy this, it would have to be those fedora-sporting neck beards who fashion chain mail out of soda keys and bike chains.

My favorite part of this post (besides the sticky-coated pipe dream of slowly making his fortune off of Mountain Dew and Faygo) has to be the fact that he included TWO pictures of the pop can keys. You know, just in case you didn’t get the full scope of the opportunity the first time around, or in case you wanted another angle of the keys–just to make sure they were, in fact, just what you were looking for.